It's fair to say there are a number of considerations for your guest list, including; size of budget, size of venue, size of family, and of course, at your peril not to give suitable attention and respect to the size of the potential family politics. Below are a few pointers to help guide you on your way.

The Preparation

Don't start with the list Before you go anywhere near an excel spreadsheet or notepad, first go back to that image of your wedding day and decide together the type of day you both want, and then stick to your guns! A small, intimate gathering isn't going to be hugely achievable when you realise you have a wedding party of over 200. So first decide what type of wedding feels right for you, as this will then shape who you invite to your celebration.

Parents
A wedding can be a lesson in diplomacy, particularly if your parents have contributed to your big day. Before parents get carried away it's worth sitting them down and talking to them about your plans. Adding on a few family friends that will enhance your parent's day is one thing, but when your parents come with a long list of their own it is time to delicately remind them it's your day; the day YOU have been dreaming about, and the day YOU will remember for the rest of your lives. It's not a gala dinner where you get to buy a table, yes, money might be exchanging hands but it shouldn't be at the cost of changing your day. Parents want us to be happy, so don't forget to tell them what will make your day special.

Little people Without wishing to make your day full of rules, another question that is wise to answer early on is whether you would like children at your wedding. It's an entirely personal preference but if you decide your wedding is a child-free zone then this makes your numbers and list more manageable from the start. Don't be afraid to make it an adult only wedding if this is what you want. Having clear parameters means your guests can plan accordingly, well in advance. The parents will appreciate it in the long run, even if finding an overnight nanny seems daunting at first.

Big numbers = bigger budget
Whether you are catering your own wedding or having a served wedding breakfast, every guest has a cost per head figure. If you have a set budget in mind there will be an unemotional realisation that inviting your old primary school friends is actually going to impact your flower/dress/honeymoon budget - stay strong and stick to the budget.

When did we last speak?
If the answer is over 12 months ago, this can be a guide on who makes the list and who doesn't. There are some friends where 10 years could pass, and nothing changes, and you have a fabulous time with them no matter what. They are a different, treasure them. But if you only communicate by 'liking' and haven't spoken for over a year then consider if your wedding is really the time for an overdue catch up. Your day will pass in a flash so making small talk and catching up on the last few years could be saved for another time.

The Wild Card
You need to be tough with your rules if you are trying to keep numbers down, however it is important for both parties to be able to invite someone who doesn't necessarily comply, or perhaps someone your partner is not all that keen on, but for whatever the reason, ensure you give you and your partner 1 or 2 wildcards each. No arguments, no buts, no discussion, they are coming! Perhaps you've got a work friend who is the life and soul who you know will be loved by all, or maybe even get your lifelong hairdresser along. If you like these people but are not sure how they fit into the mix, don't be afraid to just throw them in and have fun with it.

Save the date
There are a number of benefits for sending out a save the date, including finding out straight away those who are unable to attend. This not only means you have a more concrete list when you do send the invitations, but it also allows you to plan for flexibility in your list and bring in a few extra's from the plan b list if required.

Make a weekend of it
If you've got a defined number in mind but have a collection of lovely people you'd still like to celebrate with, another option is to hold a gathering the day after your wedding. At Wedding Sparrow we've been to a few 'day after the wedding' BBQ's, pub lunches and afternoon tea's. It not only gives you a reason to get together and catch up about those moves the night before, but you can then also have an open invitation to the neighbours, extended family members and friends who want to celebrate with you, who also then get to be part of the special weekend.

And finally a Wedding Sparrow quick fire round...

Do I have to invite someone just because they invited me to their wedding 9 years ago?!?
No, absolutely no obligation, you can remain guilt free.

Work colleagues, yes/no?
Unless your colleagues have turned into weekend friends, they are for evenings only.

Divorced parents
There is some simple advice here, if tensions are high amongst divorced parents keep them away from each other at all times. Ushers and bridesmaid can be most useful here.

How to deal with extended family?
Treat extended family like your friends - if you like them, invite them!

How to do deal with singles and plus 1's
There will be friends who during your wedding planning might find a life partner of their own. However what you don't want is random people making up plus one numbers, so if your friend is single when the invite goes out make them the only name on the invite - they'll soon tell you if they become coupled.

I don't like some of my partner's friends
Unless your dislike is going to ruin your day, then give and take begins before your wedding on this one. They're friends for a reason.

I have lots more friends than my partner
This is where you scrap the bride or groom ceremony seating plan and it's one for all and all for one.

But now over to you - how did you tackle your wedding guest list? Did you stick to your numbers? Share your own hints and tips below - we'd love to hear from you.

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