As a woman, you hear the question a lot. Especially when you're happy and you've been with someone for a significant amount of time, and the majority of people around you believe it's the next, logical step.

When are you getting married?

You hear the question even more when you have a child and you didn't follow an order of life choices society has pre-determined for couples.

Well, we probably won't.

And honestly, the question isn't as bad as the shocked faces and concerned gestures that follow my answer.

So many people seem to have a hard time wrapping their minds around our unwillingness to tie the knot. As their brows wrinkle and their eyes meet the floor, I can tell they're struggling to understand why we don't want to make our family "official" or "complete" or valid in the eyes of god or society or, you know, our grandparents.

It makes for uncomfortable situations and quick conversation changes but I don't have an issue letting people know that, for us, marriage isn't necessary. Marriage isn't a missing piece in our life puzzle and marriage isn't what our family needs to feel complete.

And it isn't because we believe in making some political statement or don't believe in the institution or find the overall cost excessive. I've stood by best friends at their weddings and I'll stand by more in the future, and each time I will be filled with love and hope and the best of wishes.

It isn't because we aren't overtly religious or believe it more important to save for a house instead of a party. Although, a house is high on our priority list at the moment.

It's because I don't want to marry my son's father.

I've seen husbands refuse to help their wives during labor, thinking their water breaking or their baby crowning or any number of changes a woman's body experiences, is gross. Husbands wait outside or in the corner, disgusted and bored, but my partner held my hand and rubbed my back and helped me push through every second of our almost 24-hour labor.

I've seen husbands manipulate their wives with a ring or grow complacent after securing a specific label, but my partner communicates and is transparent and is constantly growing. There is no end to the ways I'm continuing to learn about him and from him and because of him. There isn't a topic we can't discuss and there isn't a feeling we can't share, even if we know it probably won't be well received.

I've seen husbands avoid helping around the house or partaking in late-night feedings or cooking a necessary dinner, because it's not their "job". While husbands like to establish a hierarchy of responsibilities, my partner folds the laundry and washes the dishes and cooks dinner and vacuums the house. He wakes up in the middle of the night, exhausted but willing, and he takes our son into the other room when I need to make a conference call or meet a deadline.

I've seen husbands stifle their wives, for fear they will grow more successful than them or make more money than them or find validation and happiness, outside of them. When husbands ignore their wives' accomplishments or doubt their capabilities or fill them with guilt for focusing on something other than their family, my partner reads every article and celebrates every accomplishment and pushes me to be better at my job.

I've seen husbands demand sex instead of ensuring it's an enjoyable experience for both parties. While husbands believe it is their wives' job to satisfy them regardless of how tired or overwhelmed they may feel, my partner continues to assure me our sex life isn't the most important part of our relationship (although, you know, it's a big part). And while many husbands believe they don't have to seduce their wives anymore, my partner continues to put in the work and effort that is so necessary to maintain an active, healthy and passionate sex life.

I've seen too many husbands take their wives for granted. They believe their relationship doesn't require any additional work or effort or consideration, because there's a ring on someone's finger and a title in front of a changed name. While comfort turns to complacency, my partner continues to do the little things he did when we first met. He leaves the notes and whispers the sweet nothings and plants the affectionate kisses. He puts in the time to constantly better our relationship because we are nothing if not far from perfect.

I don't want to marry my son's father because I don't want a husband.

I want a partner.

And all too often marriage is used as a way to find a partnership, instead of a way to celebrate one that already exists.

And while I know that not all husbands are anything like what I've described, too many are.

While I'm privileged to know some amazing married couples, I also know too many that are exactly like what I've described, and they're knee deep in the beginning of a divorce or they live miserable, almost completely separate lives.

But if he does get down on one knee and presents a ring and asks me that question so many women wait a lifetime to be asked, I will probably say yes. I'll say yes to it all, with him, knowing that I won't be saying yes to a fancy wedding or a fairytale marriage.

I won't be saying yes to a husband.

I'll be saying yes to a partner.

I'll be saying yes to something I already have.