Who knows what triggers a bad day. You're going along, feeling pretty good, and then suddenly you're being sucked into a vat of negativity.

"Nothing fits."
"Why do I look this way..."
"Why can't I...?"
"Why am I...?"

Oh, darlings. On those days, I wish I could give you all the hugs. Instead, I've got a whole armful of encouraging, beautiful photos and quotes about body positivity for you to wrap yourselves in. You're gorgeous, loves!

I'm freakin' HOT!

It doesn't matter about size or scars or weight or anything. What matters is how you FEEL. And I have never been more amazed at how comfortable I could be with myself.

I will not let you tell me what to wear, how to fix my hair, or how I should do my make-up.
I will not spend nights in tears because I am not "beautiful enough," or "thin enough" for you.
I will not go on a crash diet.
I will not refrain from getting my septum pierced for fear that you will tell me it makes me look less-than-bridal.
I will not try to hide my stretched lobes or cover my tattoo.
I will not be ashamed of my lopsided breasts.
I am me. I look fine just the way I am, and I will not let you tell me otherwise.

If you feel up to it, you can always say something like "I'm not planning on losing weight for my wedding". You don't need to sass them back, or come back with a quip that will make them regret ever saying anything to you. You don't have time for that, and you'll feel rotten afterwards. Focus on your main goal - getting this theatrical monster of a wedding on the road.

The biggest challenge was feeling worthy of a wedding. I've always held the notion that black girls like me (queer, dark-skinned, nappy-haired, chunky), didn't get their happily ever afters. So I never put much time or effort into dreaming up a fantasy wedding.

But I overcame the doubt of worthiness by remembering that I have a partner/teammate/husband/friend/homie who truly loves me unconditionally and without apology. He loves my whole self and doesn't ask me to dim the light I shine in this world.

I'd found myself on the phone with a friend, tallying off the list of note-worthy happenings: the visits, the bridal appointments, the body image, the self-hate.

"You know all these things are connected to each other," she said to me, as I abruptly broke down in a series of sobs that didn't ease up as she continued, "I don't think the fear is 'What if I don't look good?' I think the real fear is 'What if I look stunning and I accept myself for who I really am?'"

Tell me, loves. What's your surefire method for reminding yourself that, as Abilene Clark said, you're kind, smart, and important?